20 Things No One Tells You About Leaving Maui

May 21, 201513 comments

 

#1 You’ll Have to Start Wearing Layers Again

 

Multiple shirts? Socks? Pants? Actual pants?! Gross. I hate this already.

 

#2 It’s No Longer Appropriate to Go Barefoot at the Grocery Store

 

Nor will you want to.

 

#3 You’ll Remember That People are Really Fascinated with Celebrities

 

“Did you ever see Willie Nelson or Oprah? What about Britney Spears? Paris Hilton?”

“Uhh, yeah. They were… alive.”

 

#4 You’ll Roll Your Eyes at the Most Beautiful Parts of Your New City

 

Ooo, a babbling brook?! Call me when it’s a waterfall.

 

#5 You’ll Wonder Where All the Hot People Have Gone

 

How do I know if people are hot if I can’t see them half naked on a beach before I go talk to them?

 

#6 Good Swell is No Longer a Viable Reason to be Really, Really Late to Work

 

It’s just not.

 

#7 You Might Have to Start Watching National Sports to Relate to Others

 

What time do the Atlanta Anteaters play? I mean, what?

 

#8 People Will Assume You Left Because You Got Rock Fever

 

Believe it or not, I can deal with life on a large, gorgeous rock of tropical wonder that you spent three years saving up to visit.

 

#9 Your Skin as You Know It Will Be Gone

 

Oh hello, pasty, dry, ashy, anti sun-kissed skin! Welcome to my life. Le sigh.

 

#10 You’ll be Disappointed that ‘Business Casual’ Includes Zero Aloha Shirts

 

Button down shirts just got a lot more boring.

 

#11 You’ll Assume All Foreign Land Mammals Want to Kill You

 

AHHHHH! A PTERODACTYL!

 

#12 Ahi Tuna Just Got a Whole Lot Lamer

 

Why is everything seared and $30?

 

#13 Several Words & Phrases Lose All Meaning

 

Your friends would probably love to meet you for pau hana, but they have no idea what that means.

 

#14 Greeting People with a Kiss on the Cheek is Awkward

 

Oh, a handshake? Fist bump? Hugging? High fives? Alright, well… this is awkward.

 

#15 Everyone Will Wink and Ask You about Maui Wowie

 

A great way to discover every pothead in your new neighborhood.

 

#16 Seasons Are Not Defined by Whales

 

How will I ever know when the roads, restaurants and grocery stores are about to get really crowded?

 

#17 You’ll Be Confused by Smells of the Un-Paradise World

 

What is that smell that is definitely not plumeria and/or the Pacific Ocean salt spray?! I don’t like it.

 

#18 You’ll Have to Start Paying for Entertainment

 

‘Cause taking a scenic hike to the nearest shopping mall is not a thing.

 

#19 People’s Names Get Really Confusing

 

And you thought working with 11 guys named John wouldn’t be fun.

 

#20 You’ll No Longer Mistake Steven Tyler for a Homeless Woman

 

Dude looks like a lady.

13 Comments

  1. Luke

    Absolutely spot on! Had me lol’ing while reading this. You have to experience it to truly see the humor in it! Good stuff, thanks for the good laugh 🙂

    Reply
  2. Ocean Epic

    I enjoyed the humor. #20 was my favorite on the list.

    Reply
  3. Maui MiRa

    Cute blog and I definitely enjoyed the humor. I think some people that move to Maui didn’t fully think it through and end up not lasting long.

    Reply
    • Maui Hawaii

      Agreed. The true definition of “Paradise” is a place where you don’t have 2-3 crappy jobs in order to live there. People assume Hawaii is 100% paradise, but there are many reasons why it might not be a good fit.

      Reply
  4. Gabrielle

    Pretty fun and entertaining little blog. The mistaking Stephen Tyler as a homeless lady made me literally lol!

    Reply
  5. Sisu

    Terrible article and none of it true.

    Reply
  6. John

    Did you leave Kelsey?

    Reply
    • Kelsey Love

      Not yet, John. But headed out to Bali in October!

      Reply
      • John

        Will you be going back or had enough of the island?

        Reply
        • Kelsey Love

          I love it here and will miss it a ton, but the plan has always been to keep traveling, so that’s what I shall do!

          Reply
          • John

            Well good luck Kelsey. As I’ve told you before, I’ve been living vicariously through you. My plan is still to retire there. I hope I can in 5-10 years from now. I will be in my late 40’s by then. Hope I still have the passion by then but I’ve missed the island since I left. Take care and thanks for the info over the past few years. Mahalo

          • Kelsey Love

            Mahalo, John. Late 40s is nothin’… make the move! Cheers and sending you lots of aloha vibes till your next visit.

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