20 Things No One Tells You About Leaving Maui

May 21, 201513 comments


#1 You’ll Have to Start Wearing Layers Again


Multiple shirts? Socks? Pants? Actual pants?! Gross. I hate this already.


#2 It’s No Longer Appropriate to Go Barefoot at the Grocery Store


Nor will you want to.


#3 You’ll Remember That People are Really Fascinated with Celebrities


“Did you ever see Willie Nelson or Oprah? What about Britney Spears? Paris Hilton?”

“Uhh, yeah. They were… alive.”


#4 You’ll Roll Your Eyes at the Most Beautiful Parts of Your New City


Ooo, a babbling brook?! Call me when it’s a waterfall.


#5 You’ll Wonder Where All the Hot People Have Gone


How do I know if people are hot if I can’t see them half naked on a beach before I go talk to them?


#6 Good Swell is No Longer a Viable Reason to be Really, Really Late to Work


It’s just not.


#7 You Might Have to Start Watching National Sports to Relate to Others


What time do the Atlanta Anteaters play? I mean, what?


#8 People Will Assume You Left Because You Got Rock Fever


Believe it or not, I can deal with life on a large, gorgeous rock of tropical wonder that you spent three years saving up to visit.


#9 Your Skin as You Know It Will Be Gone


Oh hello, pasty, dry, ashy, anti sun-kissed skin! Welcome to my life. Le sigh.


#10 You’ll be Disappointed that ‘Business Casual’ Includes Zero Aloha Shirts


Button down shirts just got a lot more boring.


#11 You’ll Assume All Foreign Land Mammals Want to Kill You




#12 Ahi Tuna Just Got a Whole Lot Lamer


Why is everything seared and $30?


#13 Several Words & Phrases Lose All Meaning


Your friends would probably love to meet you for pau hana, but they have no idea what that means.


#14 Greeting People with a Kiss on the Cheek is Awkward


Oh, a handshake? Fist bump? Hugging? High fives? Alright, well… this is awkward.


#15 Everyone Will Wink and Ask You about Maui Wowie


A great way to discover every pothead in your new neighborhood.


#16 Seasons Are Not Defined by Whales


How will I ever know when the roads, restaurants and grocery stores are about to get really crowded?


#17 You’ll Be Confused by Smells of the Un-Paradise World


What is that smell that is definitely not plumeria and/or the Pacific Ocean salt spray?! I don’t like it.


#18 You’ll Have to Start Paying for Entertainment


‘Cause taking a scenic hike to the nearest shopping mall is not a thing.


#19 People’s Names Get Really Confusing


And you thought working with 11 guys named John wouldn’t be fun.


#20 You’ll No Longer Mistake Steven Tyler for a Homeless Woman


Dude looks like a lady.


  1. Luke

    Absolutely spot on! Had me lol’ing while reading this. You have to experience it to truly see the humor in it! Good stuff, thanks for the good laugh 🙂

  2. Ocean Epic

    I enjoyed the humor. #20 was my favorite on the list.

  3. Maui MiRa

    Cute blog and I definitely enjoyed the humor. I think some people that move to Maui didn’t fully think it through and end up not lasting long.

    • Maui Hawaii

      Agreed. The true definition of “Paradise” is a place where you don’t have 2-3 crappy jobs in order to live there. People assume Hawaii is 100% paradise, but there are many reasons why it might not be a good fit.

  4. Gabrielle

    Pretty fun and entertaining little blog. The mistaking Stephen Tyler as a homeless lady made me literally lol!

  5. Sisu

    Terrible article and none of it true.

  6. John

    Did you leave Kelsey?

    • Kelsey Love

      Not yet, John. But headed out to Bali in October!

      • John

        Will you be going back or had enough of the island?

        • Kelsey Love

          I love it here and will miss it a ton, but the plan has always been to keep traveling, so that’s what I shall do!

          • John

            Well good luck Kelsey. As I’ve told you before, I’ve been living vicariously through you. My plan is still to retire there. I hope I can in 5-10 years from now. I will be in my late 40’s by then. Hope I still have the passion by then but I’ve missed the island since I left. Take care and thanks for the info over the past few years. Mahalo

          • Kelsey Love

            Mahalo, John. Late 40s is nothin’… make the move! Cheers and sending you lots of aloha vibes till your next visit.

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