20 Things No One Tells You About Leaving Maui

20 things no one tells you about leaving maui

 

#1 You’ll Have to Start Wearing Layers Again

 

Multiple shirts? Socks? Pants? Actual pants?! Gross. I hate this already.

 

#2 It’s No Longer Appropriate to Go Barefoot at the Grocery Store

 

Nor will you want to.

 

#3 You’ll Remember That People are Really Fascinated with Celebrities

 

“Did you ever see Willie Nelson or Oprah? What about Britney Spears? Paris Hilton?”

“Uhh, yeah. They were… alive.”

 

#4 You’ll Roll Your Eyes at the Most Beautiful Parts of Your New City

 

Ooo, a babbling brook?! Call me when it’s a waterfall.

 

#5 You’ll Wonder Where All the Hot People Have Gone

 

How do I know if people are hot if I can’t see them half naked on a beach before I go talk to them?

 

#6 Good Swell is No Longer a Viable Reason to be Really, Really Late to Work

 

It’s just not.

 

#7 You Might Have to Start Watching National Sports to Relate to Others

 

What time do the Atlanta Anteaters play? I mean, what?

 

#8 People Will Assume You Left Because You Got Rock Fever

 

Believe it or not, I can deal with life on a large, gorgeous rock of tropical wonder that you spent three years saving up to visit.

 

#9 Your Skin as You Know It Will Be Gone

 

Oh hello, pasty, dry, ashy, anti sun-kissed skin! Welcome to my life. Le sigh.

 

#10 You’ll be Disappointed that ‘Business Casual’ Includes Zero Aloha Shirts

 

Button down shirts just got a lot more boring.

 

#11 You’ll Assume All Foreign Land Mammals Want to Kill You

 

AHHHHH! A PTERODACTYL!

 

#12 Ahi Tuna Just Got a Whole Lot Lamer

 

Why is everything seared and $30?

 

#13 Several Words & Phrases Lose All Meaning

 

Your friends would probably love to meet you for pau hana, but they have no idea what that means.

 

#14 Greeting People with a Kiss on the Cheek is Awkward

 

Oh, a handshake? Fist bump? Hugging? High fives? Alright, well… this is awkward.

 

#15 Everyone Will Wink and Ask You about Maui Wowie

 

A great way to discover every pothead in your new neighborhood.

 

#16 Seasons Are Not Defined by Whales

 

How will I ever know when the roads, restaurants and grocery stores are about to get really crowded?

 

#17 You’ll Be Confused by Smells of the Un-Paradise World

 

What is that smell that is definitely not plumeria and/or the Pacific Ocean salt spray?! I don’t like it.

 

#18 You’ll Have to Start Paying for Entertainment

 

‘Cause taking a scenic hike to the nearest shopping mall is not a thing.

 

#19 People’s Names Get Really Confusing

 

And you thought working with 11 guys named John wouldn’t be fun.

 

#20 You’ll No Longer Mistake Steven Tyler for a Homeless Woman

 

Dude looks like a lady.

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