#1 You’ll Have to Start Wearing Layers Again
Multiple shirts? Socks? Pants? Actual pants?! Gross. I hate this already.
#2 It’s No Longer Appropriate to Go Barefoot at the Grocery Store
Nor will you want to.
#3 You’ll Remember That People are Really Fascinated with Celebrities
“Did you ever see Willie Nelson or Oprah? What about Britney Spears? Paris Hilton?”
“Uhh, yeah. They were… alive.”
#4 You’ll Roll Your Eyes at the Most Beautiful Parts of Your New City
Ooo, a babbling brook?! Call me when it’s a waterfall.
#5 You’ll Wonder Where All the Hot People Have Gone
How do I know if people are hot if I can’t see them half naked on a beach before I go talk to them?
#6 Good Swell is No Longer a Viable Reason to be Really, Really Late to Work
It’s just not.
#7 You Might Have to Start Watching National Sports to Relate to Others
What time do the Atlanta Anteaters play? I mean, what?
#8 People Will Assume You Left Because You Got Rock Fever
Believe it or not, I can deal with life on a large, gorgeous rock of tropical wonder that you spent three years saving up to visit.
#9 Your Skin as You Know It Will Be Gone
Oh hello, pasty, dry, ashy, anti sun-kissed skin! Welcome to my life. Le sigh.
#10 You’ll be Disappointed that ‘Business Casual’ Includes Zero Aloha Shirts
Button down shirts just got a lot more boring.
#11 You’ll Assume All Foreign Land Mammals Want to Kill You
AHHHHH! A PTERODACTYL!
#12 Ahi Tuna Just Got a Whole Lot Lamer
Why is everything seared and $30?
#13 Several Words & Phrases Lose All Meaning
Your friends would probably love to meet you for pau hana, but they have no idea what that means.
#14 Greeting People with a Kiss on the Cheek is Awkward
Oh, a handshake? Fist bump? Hugging? High fives? Alright, well… this is awkward.
#15 Everyone Will Wink and Ask You about Maui Wowie
A great way to discover every pothead in your new neighborhood.
#16 Seasons Are Not Defined by Whales
How will I ever know when the roads, restaurants and grocery stores are about to get really crowded?
#17 You’ll Be Confused by Smells of the Un-Paradise World
What is that smell that is definitely not plumeria and/or the Pacific Ocean salt spray?! I don’t like it.
#18 You’ll Have to Start Paying for Entertainment
‘Cause taking a scenic hike to the nearest shopping mall is not a thing.
#19 People’s Names Get Really Confusing
And you thought working with 11 guys named John wouldn’t be fun.
#20 You’ll No Longer Mistake Steven Tyler for a Homeless Woman
Dude looks like a lady.